Introduction

I was once a conservative republican member of the NRA – but I recovered. I grew up “lucky” (read privileged), had a good education, was not exposed to the injustices that women, poor, dark-skinned, immigrant, or sexually non-conforming people suffered. In those days, it was the threat of communists that was in the news, along with Reagan’s fabled “Welfare Queens.” My one-time devotion to its indoctrination was a squandered investment in a fantasy that could never fulfill its promises and, in practice, is too easily corrupted by avarice, hypocrisy, and the bare-faced will to power.

The Enchantment

Long ago and half a continent away I was under the thrall of what passes for the conservative mindset. I was young and moralistic. I was enchanted by the narrative that people less fortunate than I were too lazy to improve themselves (rather than lacking the same opportunities that I had). Instead, the narrative went, compassionate government policies promoted laziness. This attitude freed me from any obligation of compassion (and the pain of empathy), or any need to look into the complexities of racism and its relationship with unbridled capitalism and other economic policies. Free markets received more lip-service than reality, and were only afforded to a privileged elite – our American aristocracy.

I bought into the notion that government was not to be trusted; that a smaller government is better, free of “unaccountable bureaucrats;” that power was best invested in local government and so states’ rights were paramount; that patriotism meant uncritical support of government (as long as we could also arm ourselves against it, of course). Capitalism was the ideal economic system because the power of the market was the power of the people to regulate commerce by how they spent their money. Christianity shaped our government, values, and society. Liberals had no spine and just wanted to throw money at problems; and they were soft on communism and crime. Reformers and “agitators” were communist “fellow travelers,” and socialism was just a step toward communism.

These values were not theoretical positions for me. I worked in an election as a poll watcher (going to a voting site and watching the voting machines being opened to take the tallies). I really thought there were only three things keeping us from “liberty and justice for all” and they were communism, big government, and lazy people.

Dis-Illusionment

The slippery slope from the heights of conservative ideology to the realities of the world came gradually but relentlessly, with one realization after another. I began to notice the fruits of this conservatism – who benefited, who suffered, and what lies were told. I watched the banner of conservatism cast a shadow that hid racism, subtle forms of genocide, misogyny, homophobia, economic slavery, neglect of vulnerable citizens, and environmental degradation.

Let’s take a look at some of the sacred cows and dog whistles of modern conservatism one by one.

Small Government

At first blush, the idea of small government had its appeal. Government had to be restrained lest it intrude into our private lives and curtail freedom. Small government also meant lower taxes for everyone. But in a country of more than 327 million people, the idea of “small” government is ludicrous because of the influence of corporations larger (in wealth) than some countries, because of military and cyber threats from other countries, and because of internal shadow organizations and (again) corporations of unimaginable power.

So who benefits from this idea of “small government”? Keep government small and it will be unable to protect citizens from predatory corporations that have enough money to evade paying their fair share of taxes, escape government supervision, and avoid market forces. They buy elected leaders, manipulate legislation, and put small businesses out of business while creating subsidies for themselves. The business establishment itself has become a shadow government.

States’ Rights

Decentralized authority – a.k.a. “states’ rights” – also had its initial appeal. After all, not all areas of the country had the same interests, needs, or resources. The insidious nature of states’ rights, however, became evident when they were used to try to block common civil rights. Peaceful activists were murdered, gassed, and water cannoned by state authorities. African American churches were burned with children in them – in the name of protecting a state’s right to maintain its racism.

Free-Market Capitalism

Competition and free markets were supposed to promote better products, greater efficiency, and higher profits; but there is no competition on an unequal playing field when huge corporations can buy up, starve out, undermine, or sue their smaller competitors into the dust. So, we now have a diminishing number of huge corporations controlling media, healthcare, pharmaceuticals, industrial chemicals, agriculture, and communication. This is not a free market, nor is it competition, or democracy.

The economy grew when corporate profits were taxed at a high rate. That was an incentive for corporations to put money into wages and development which wouldn’t be taxed. Money that used to go toward workers’ wages and benefits, and re-investment in the company now goes to shareholders and CEOs. In this fraudulent “free market” we watched the wealthy become an aristocratic oligarchy with privileges of political influence not equaled by any ordinary citizen.

“Trickle-down” economics never worked, partly because it relies on the delusion that wealthy corporations and individuals will give their largesse to workers – instead of to management, shareholders, multiple houses, boats and buying legislative influence. Yet the lie continues.

What’s worse, free market advocates seem disinclined to support anything that helps people’s welfare. They were (and still are) against social security and are happy to leave elders, no longer useful for generating profits, to languish and die. They also oppose collective bargaining that would limit the power of corporations to abuse workers and establish economic slavery.

“Regulations” became a pariah because it meant corporations might have to be responsible for the impact of their policies and actions. This amoral evasion of responsibility has become a hallmark of conservatism and corporate protection. Even the idea of a mandatory “living wage” is controversial. Just give that some thought. What kind of person wants citizens to exist with less than a living wage?

Myths of the self-regulating marketplace and trickle-down economics were lies perpetuated by those who wanted to avoid regulation and paying taxes so they could (can) steal fruits of the labors of working people.

De-Regulation

Because of the threat to corporate profits, large corporations have been active in suppressing the realities of science because it might tell us what industrial chemicals, particulate matter, tobacco, fossil fuels, and gun violence are doing to our health, society, and government.

Conservatives have always opposed any revelation of industrial toxins, as well as the impacts of tobacco, pollution, acid rain, the ozone layer, climate change, and now pandemic diseases. If it could be sold, it was good. If it cut costs, it was good. If someone suffered, it wasn’t their problem and government shouldn’t be looking into it or trying to remedy it. Worse, because scientists’ research threatens corporate profits, conservatives have been actively disseminating disinformation (read “lies” and “deception”) and attacking sincere scientists trying to save our health and lives.

The Second Amendment and the NRA

I was and am a gun owner (and I have a permit to carry). I’ve heard constantly of the threat of confiscation at any suggestions of registration or regulation – the same things we hear today, 50 years and many lives later. Over time, it became obvious that the National Rifle Association was more invested in gun sales than safety or owners’ concerns. The gun was promoted as an icon of individual power, and become an icon of toxic masculinity.

Now the NRA fights against even simple things that most Americans and most gun owners want, like universal background checks. The NRA has become a special interest group for manufacturers and, apparently, Russian interests.

American Values and Its History

The people I’d looked up to as pillars of American democracy began to look petty, privileged, spoiled, racist, homophobic, misogynous, and predatory. They sought any advantage they could leverage over anyone else – especially the vulnerable classes that did not conform to their vision. The great icon of conservative republicanism cut taxes of the wealthy, taxed social security, ignored the AIDS crisis, supported illegal arms sales, and betrayed the unions he promised to support. His efforts began the decline of the middle class and intensified the growing wealth disparities we see. Betrayal, lies, profiteering, and pseudo-religious posturing became the ways conservatism imposed its grip on the country. Christianity was used to promote domination and theft: whites over people of color, men over women, wealthy over the common poor, Americans over the world, humankind over nature.

Conservatives ignore the fact that the constitution was originally written for white male property owners. Women didn’t have the right to vote until after my mother was born and women of color were long excluded by state-created barriers. We’ve been crippled by our cave-man Christianity.

Over time, I discovered what was done to the indigenous people of this land: their children taken from them, their language suppressed, and their religion outlawed. The language we use today distorts the reality. Invaders were called “settlers”, “adventurers,” and “missionaries” as they took the land, the lives and culture of human beings inconveniently in the way of their conquest or profits. Genocide, slavery, and rape have been common European methods of domination.

Equal treatment under the law has been a myth, given lip-service but fought against by both conservatives and modern Republicans who act out their pathological fear and hatred by finding some vulnerable populations to hate, blame, and oppress; and enlist bizarre versions of Christianity to support them.

I don’t care anymore what their empty claims and fantasies might be. I look now at the fruits of their actions: bigotry of various kinds, misogyny, murder, massacres, children abused, unconscionable distribution of wealth upward, and on and on.

We revere a constitution drafted at a time when non-whites were non-people, when women had no place in a man’s world of government and business. In the 21^st century, conservatives have attempted to use lies about biblical teachings to make various populations into second-class citizens and to block civil rights, voting, marriage equality, justice reform, etc. They tried to dismiss the reality and dangers of climate change and the COVID-19 pandemic while undermining the brightest scientists who had a grasp on what was happening and what is needed to save human lives – and they did so in service to solely economic interests. People’s lives have been traded for commerce – a new form of human trafficking.

Today’s Conservatism

Conservatism now means little more than greed, self-centeredness, racism, religious bigotry, destruction of families, misuse of the American military, destruction of the middle class, upward distribution of wealth, misogyny, subversion of scientific realities, perpetuation of racism through discriminatory application of law enforcement, judicial sentencing with a for-profit prison system, violation of American treaties, gross and public corruption in politics, limited regulation, and wanton destruction of our ecosystem with the adverse consequences falling on the shoulders of the poor while benefiting the wealthy and powerful. There is no interest in resolving the causes of our problems but in ignoring them and suppressing those who suffer and object.

Too many conservatives persistently lie about too many things: the cause of the Civil War and a denial of the Confederacy’s investment in slavery, about the capabilities of women and people of color, about climate change, about systemic racism, about the beliefs of various religions, and about the adverse effects of our economic system, and the recent tax cuts. There was a peculiar lack of conscience about reasons for war, about the criminal history of Ronald Reagan and his destructive policies for the middle class, about those who perpetuate white terrorism, and those who are dying because of their lies and prejudices.

This conservatism turned a blind eye to the reality that, as the Berlin Wall fell, the greatest threat to our freedoms was the growth of unregulated, irresponsible, greedy, capitalistic, multi-national corporations who now suck at the teat of American wealth but evade taxes through self-designed loopholes, shelters, and off-shore accounts – in legislation written by purchased legislators.

The perfidy of the conservative position became solidified at my realization of the degree to which it opposed attempts at rectifying the evils of the modern world – without proposing any initiatives of their own to solve very real problems that threaten our well-being. What’s more, those waving the conservative flag seem to make every effort to deny the very real consequences of their actions such as continued global warming, toxic chemicals in the environment, increasing inequality, corporate and political corruption, etc. Rather, they call any attention given to reality “fake news” as if that solved the problem. They actively opposed any attempt to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, protect the vulnerable, house the homeless, and care for ordinary citizens as well as the women and men they love to send to war.

The only thing they seem to conserve is the right to continue this system of corporate dominance, the economic advantages of racism, violating treaty rights of the people indigenous to the land,  stealing the labor of women and immigrants (and others without representation), and general bigotry against any who do not conform to their privileged standards.

Thus, conservatism and the republican party have become little more than a cover for the worst of human behavior promoting  propaganda that our problems are caused by people who don’t look like us, despite that fact that it is white men in suits running their/our lives.

This current president is good example of their underlying values: he is unrelated to reality, predatory, greedy, misogynist, bigoted, racist, entitled to unearned advantages, and heartless. As others have said, he is not the cause of our current degradation and divisiveness, but the personalized epitome of a structure built by the republican conservative machine that no longer pretends to care about human suffering and social issues. There is no longer the veneer of civility, compromise, and social responsibility.

Like any cult, conservative Republicans have a rigid set of beliefs and demand conformity. They promote unquestioning loyalty to professed values and to cult leaders and icons. Leaders are allowed to violate basic values with impunity. Anyone who exposes the dear leaders’ perfidy, hypocrisy, or damage are roundly attacked and excommunicated with the expectation that “true believers” shun them. Their greatest fears are exposure, truth-telling whistleblowers, and an uprising of ordinary citizens.

Large corporations and centralized wealth, election corruption and religious oppression have become the great dangers to our democracy – more so than communists ever were.

“The Party” has become an immoral criminal enterprise in service to corporate interests and wealthy individuals – the middle class be damned.

Conclusions

Clearly, I found conservative Republican ideology, practice, and people inadequate to face the realities of our time. The conservative experiment was a failure, not only for its inherent inadequacies, but also for the way it attracts authoritarians with a theocratic bent and an emotional hypersensitivity to threat. Furthermore, it was too easily subverted by corporations and oligarchs who astutely take advantage of its impotence.

Thus, today’s conservative Republican party and its supporters have become channels promoting policies of authoritarianism, fascist sympathies, racism, denial of scientific realities, Russian infiltration, election disenfranchisement, misogyny, use of federal troops to attack peaceful protesters, homophobia, religious bigotry, suppression of dissent, faked photographs, social media memes generated by far-right propaganda outlets, false accusations, intimidation of citizens and legislators, innuendo, and outright lies – a far cry from the idealistic enchantment that first captured me.

I recently read Mary Trump’s account of her uncle’s family and his behavior in her Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man (published by Simon & Schuster, 2020). I was curious to see what another psychologist would say about our president, one who knew him and his family from the inside out. I did not undertake this as a political cause but as one having worked for more than 40 years in the field of psychology – evaluating, diagnosing, and treating adults and children with a variety of difficulties. I’d only seen what we all see: a man prone to self-aggrandizement, bullying, business failures; a man who appears narcissistic, psychopathic, misogynist, racist, and scientifically ignorant. (Notice, please, I’m not referring to governmental policies but his character.) However, there is often a difference between one’s public image and behavior, and what transpires privately or within the family. We certainly have seen differences between the president’s words and his behaviors, and between his various claims and factual realities. I wanted to see if there was more depth to the man than is publicly presented, how much is basic character, and how much is just “playing to his base.” Are they character defects we see, or just public posturing for political gain?

Dr. Trump’s is not the first book written by a mental health professional about the president’s character. The first I knew of was A Clear and Present Danger (2016), which I read. It was followed by Trump on the Couch (2018), Rocket Man (2018), and The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump (2019). Such case studies of public figures are often criticized as violating the psychiatric “Goldwater Rule,” but this is countered by the “duty to warn” by mandated reporters.

In Mary Trump’s book, I was hoping to find some shred of humanity, something that would redeem this man’s evident defective character. Sadly, Mary Trump’s account shows little, if any, difference between the president’s private and public demeanor. In that regard, there is little new here. She describes an opportunistic, vindictive man who is focused on his own image of success at any cost, and who has been consistently bailed out of various legal and social difficulties by his father and lawyers.

It is, unfortunately, all too credible. What we see on the national stage is the predictable outgrowth of a terribly dysfunctional family. What Mary Trump gives us, however, is context and background. The only disappointing element was how it affirmed what has been so obvious to us in terms of the president’s character defects and how pervasive they are no matter the context. One might have hoped for some sign of humanity despite its absence in everything we see publicly. Cruelty seems to be a way of life for Donald Trump with image and revenge his only personal values. Truth and responsibility are alien to him. She hints at criminal mob connections, cheating on business deals, and tax fraud.

We’ve all seen his remarkable ability to inspire absolute and unquestioning devotion to his authoritarian personality. Dr. Trump’s observations and analyses extend to his enablers and followers, and why they would support a man who has no competence, no depth, no decency – a man desperate to fill his emptiness with media attention, sycophantic adoration, and revenge for those who betray him with facts or ethics.

One might charge that she herself carries a grudge because of the way her branch of the family was so badly treated, but her writing does not sound like a hatchet job. Rather, it reads almost like a clinical study as she gives account of behaviors, emotional strengths and weaknesses, intergenerational relationships, history, family dynamics, and character.

Given the politics of our day, I also read through many of the book’s reviews on Amazon’s website. I found a stark contrast between my observations and those who gave it low ratings. Some saw it as a whining diatribe, as nothing new, as boring; or attacked Dr. Trump as embittered. Some questioned how she could know some of the things she wrote about before she was born, either ignoring or failing to read how she explained researching many of those details. Apparently unhappy at what it means for someone to display such behaviors, one reviewer said it was full of psychobabble, but I found her psychological analyses to be rather restrained.

As in so many things, what we see depends on who we are (our own strengths and limitations), on what we are predisposed to seeing, and on what we hope to find.

I struggle to stay out of a dark place. We’ve been here before. I’ve heard it before. It’s difficult to not go into a dark spiral about humanity, about Americans in general, about corporate ownership, about our religious institutions, and about the oligarchic sabotage of democracy.

Memories are coming back from the 1960s. I was in college in Baltimore when, in April of 1968, Martin Luther King, Jr. was murdered. Riots broke out. There were National Guard on the streets even where I was. I lived near 29^th and Calvert Street and could climb onto the roof of the building where I lived and see smoke rising over downtown.

I don’t know why this is a surprise. American society is reaping the harvest of hundreds of years of human degradation. We have people who have been told for 400 years, first, that they are not persons but property and, when they were freed from literal slavery, they were made second class citizens – if citizens at all. They remain a people largely without representation with their dignity, heritage, and humanity erased by elements of both church and state.

Not only has our generation failed to solve these problems, we now have a lawless president who has been fanning the flames of violence and racism as part of his agenda for seizing power. But it’s not just Republicans who are culpable here: we’ve had both Democratic and Republican governments and here we are again, or still: indisputable police brutality (again) triggering demonstrations demanding justice, hijacked by mobs of thugs and thieves. And now we have indications (videos) of white organized groups destroying property, along with agent provocateurs from out of the city and out of the state. Local information suggests it’s the far right, while the White House says it’s the far left – without any evidence whatsoever. I suspect we may find both extremes out there. And the self-serving political narratives begin.

So, we have the same conditions as before: systemic defects in society, economics, and justice systems, with leaders lacking the political will to solve the problems, but who profit from inequality, blaming, and social discord.

We have the same puerile responses from the smugly privileged to ignore the suffering of a vast swath of human beings on whose backs the economic engine of their country was built – and now they call for “law and order.” Of course we need law and order – but, unless it’s the same law for everyone, and the same safety for everyone that that order should bring, it is nothing more than aristocratic privilege. But, in the American tradition, first supports will go to property owners because they hold power and because addressing human problems is complicated. And we hear the same effete clichés about good coming out of it all – like we heard before – and about pledges to change things – like before. It leaves me heartsick.

The events of these days are not an aberration. It’s all so sadly predictable, and inevitable. These problems are endemic in the fabric of our European religious American society and government; problems in monitoring anyone with power – from police up to the president. Now the inconvenienced are complaining because they stumble over the roots of the trees their people have been planting for decades. The cries of anguish of disenfranchised human beings go unheard by those isolated by wealth, privilege, corporate shields, and legislative positions.

The conditions leading us here and the responses from the White House and many of our legislators speaks poorly of our government, our constitution, our laws, our economy, many of our religious institutions, and our very humanity. I’m pretty well disgusted with many of those who would call themselves “liberals” and only pay lip service to equal rights under the law; and I’m disgusted with so-called “conservatives” who hide their greed, self-aggrandizement, and bigotry behind claims of “states’ rights” and “Southern heritage;” and I’m disgusted with third-party puritans who have been willing to sacrifice movement toward progress so they can keep their ideological “purity.”

I can hope we can take the steps necessary to restore the integrity of our democracy and society, but I hoped for that then, too.

Yes, I am heartsick and on the edge of a dark place. But don’t think for a moment I want sympathy, support, or even agreement. Looters and arsonists aside, we hear a cry for all of those who have suffered at the hands of those in power. Attention should go toward radical change, into reconciliation, toward the establishment of a genuine democracy, and removal from power those who would get in the way to preserve their privilege and position.

I hope Fred Rogers is right: we can look to the helpers to keep out of that dark place. (Coincidentally, just after writing this, a friend from the 3^rd precinct let us know there were groups of people coming down his street cleaning up – the helpers.) Helpers are there – not only well-meaning paid law enforcement and firefighters, but volunteers ministering to those hurt by the damage – neighbors helping neighbors. In this caring is the light we need, along with the light that must be used to expose perfidy and create change in those who have been invested of the insufferable status quo.

If we don’t make the changes ourselves, there will be no change. We, the people, have too long looked to others to make the change for us – except for the “activists” and advocates. They are my heroes now. If we can’t be on the streets, we can be on the phone, writing letters, and voting like our future depends on it, because it does.

Parable, History, and Prediction

There once was the head of an empire. He built himself a golden palace. Legends say he started a fire because he wanted to rebuild parts of the city. After the fire, he made a great display of generosity and rebuilding with, of course, other people’s money. As emperor’s do, he found someone else to blame for the fire – a small group of people who were accused of being atheists and cannibals practicing insidious superstitions.

He was guilty of capital crimes, but they were justified by his apologists. Those who criticized him were purged. There were those who saw his malfeasance, of course, and his squandering of the nation’s treasures, but others protected and deified him. He met his death in disgrace but was still glorified by those who loved him.

We see the same drama played out to this day: heads of corporate empires living in their golden palaces, supported by sycophants, monetizing every decision in self-glorification while the world burns. These sociopathic executives and their followers, plagued by tortured conspiracy theories and the threat of discovery, blame everyone else from foreigners to any vulnerable minority. And the world burns.

The original story is about – more of less – the Roman Emperor Nero who was said to have fiddled while Rome burned. He created a problem that he could swoop in to solve in his self-aggrandizing way. Nero had his mother and first wife killed – and possibly his second wife while she was pregnant. His half-brother, who was the rightful heir to the throne, coincidentally died two years after Nero came to power. There were those who disbelieved the rumors and defended his killing of family. The insidious, atheistic superstition he persecuted was early Christianity.

These cycles repeat over and over again. Ambitious people are driven toward power and, lacking common morality, exploit every advantage to raise themselves at the expense of those around them They use subterfuge, fear, persecution, and wealth to get what they want in ever-more infantile greed. They are not the best of who we are as human beings. They do not represent humanity at large.

We can do better. We must do better, for the sake of our land, our world, our loved ones, our children, and everyone’s children.

Much of the world today is celebrating the Christian observance of Easter, coming just after the Jewish Passover. Religious ideologies aside, it’s a fascinating holiday. The death and resurrection of the son of the Divine is re-told in its Christian incarnation. A look at history, however, reveals its roots in eons of previous traditions. I bring this up not to diminish it, but to recognize its place in an even larger schema that seems built into Nature, the seasons, and our own needs for renewal.

Most commemorations of events are placed on a calendar date, but Easter is not. Instead, it comes on the first Sunday after the first Full Moon after the Vernal Equinox. Thus, the timing of this celebration is related to cycles in the relationship among Sun, Moon and Earth. We are taught that its seasonal timing is based on the Jewish Passover, which is clear in the Jesus story.

Less well known is that Sunday was the day of worship during the reign of the Roman Emperor Constantine for worship of a Sun God. Often erroneously described as the first Christian Emperor, he actually supported not only Christianity but other religious cults as well, including that of Sol Invictus – the Unconquerable Sun. Thus, he was able to honor both existing traditions as well as the new religion of Christianity. A more cynical view might be that he was playing all sides and did whatever would solidify his rule – including crafting various creeds that became part of the new faith, but that is a longer story than we need here.

Passover, we are taught, commemorates a major event in the Jewish tradition during their sojourn in Egypt. This, however, still does not tell us why its timing is movable and seasonal except to say they used a lunar calendar. A strictly lunar calendar, however, would not have need for integration into a solar calendar (as occurs with Islam’s Ramadan that slides back through the year and is thereby eventually observed in all seasons). This takes us back to the primacy of the Vernal Equinox in the timing of both Jewish and Christian celebrations.

In research for my current manuscript on unrecognized elements in the history of some of our dominant religions, I came across the suggestion that this timing arose during the Jews’ contact with Canaanites who placed their spring celebrations at this time – as did many places in the world.

And there’s one more element in these parallels. In various ancient cultures where a Mother Goddess predominated, she sometimes had a son or a consort that died or was sacrificed and resurrected. Those stories were used to explain nature’s death in winter and rebirth in the spring. The death and resurrection of the Son of the Divine was seen as a sacrifice on behalf of the people for various reasons. (There are female versions of this, too, in which a Goddess’ daughter goes or is taken to the underworld and her mother’s grief allows nature to go barren until some agreement is made to allow her time with the mother and time with her underworld captor – thus, explaining the seasons).  

Thus, we have a neatly stacked succession of celebrations with similar themes of rebirth, renewal, liberation, and divine sacrifice timed to occur in the Northern Hemisphere’s season of rebirth and renewal when the life of Nature herself arises once more. In a blending of traditions, the name “Easter” appears to have derived from a Germanic Goddess of spring and dawn, based on the Venerable Bede’s history of the Anglo-Saxon people written in the 8^th century. The words “Ostara” and “Eostre” may be derived from the same root as “East” – the place of the rising sun.

Both seasonal associations and existing cults with themes of a dying and resurrected Son of the Divine served to give the new Christian faith a harmonious context in which to grow its new incarnation of this ancient motif.

I write this not at all to disparage, dismiss or belittle any of the religious traditions that now serve us, but to acknowledge how beautifully they fit into the nature of our world and, I hope, begin to reintegrate natural realities into those traditions that have become divorced from the world around us because of questionable ideologies or cultural biases.

Have blessed holiday, whatever you might be celebrating.

I’ve shared these “rules” in some seminars, but this is the first written version as requested by my daughter Anneliese. On the surface, they appear as a few glib admonitions and could be left standing as they are. However, each one has a more serious (and useful) depth to it that I hope becomes evident in the details. First, let’s look at the core of each one. You might notice that rules two through five are really extensions of the first one.

Rule Number One:

Show up.

Rule Number Two:

Be Dressed for the Part.

Rule Number Three:

Know the Script.

Rule Number Four:

Pay Attention Because the Script Won’t Work.

Rule Number Five:

Don’t Trip over the Props.

Now let’s look at the details. If there’s something I put in here that you don’t like, feel free to ignore it and use your own judgment to elaborate on the core idea and develop your own depth with it. Show up to what happens in yourself as you consider each one.

Rule Number One: Show Up.

Showing up means more than being physically present. It means being present to the moment in which you find yourself. Don’t burden the moment by carrying into it an attachment to your preconceptions, expectations, and assumptions about what might happen or what others might think. Note that this does not ask you to be free of all these things that we all carry all the time, but, for the moment, to set them aside and not be so attached to them that they cloud your ability to see what is in front of you. Cultivate the idea, if you can, that better solutions come out of the intelligence of the situation itself to which each individual can be a contributor.

Showing up is vitally important in business meetings and committees – in spite of the temptation to sit quietly, zone out, and plan other things while you wait for it to be over. Of course there are those who have the need to dominate or dictate or display some need beyond getting the job done but, if even one person is fully conscious, such situations can be productively dealt with.

How many moments have you missed by giving your attention elsewhere? The person, issue or situation in front of you is, at this moment, the most important thing and may be, in that moment, the only place you have agency in your life. So, as best you can, be as present as you can and, if you’re distracted anyway, don’t fret about it: just be present to the fact that you are in situation A and you still have situation B on your mind. Sometimes, they might be related.

Being present also means being aware of what is happening inside of you – present to your own inner landscape within the context of the situation around you. Thus, being present is not a narrowly focused always-present-centered state that we might expect of a sage, saint or imbecile. What’s more, being present to implications and potential outcomes can save a lot of later complications. Being present also does not mean carrying with you a template of how to be present. That would become one more burden between you and your present-centered awareness. Just show up as best you can.

Rule Number Two: Be Dressed for The Part.

Yes, “being dressed for the part” could mean wearing the attire appropriate for your role at the moment. No one expects a lifeguard to dress like a banker, or a construction worker like a nurse, or a custodian like a battle-ready soldier, or a teacher like a lingerie model, or a therapist like a scuba diver. You get my drift. Certain roles and tasks require specific clothing and tools, either by virtue of social norms, tools needed for the task, or for safety. Step too far out of these expectations and you will be seen as less qualified and will likely be less efficient.

Being dressed for the part also means having the credentials and skills needed to perform the task at hand. You just can’t walk into situations naked and ignorant and expect to get a job done. (If you know of such jobs, I’d like to hear about them. I’ve known a number of people who show up for meetings – including managers – who are clueless, but they’ve never come naked.)

Rule Number Three: Know the Script.

Almost any task, encounter or meeting has its process, agenda, or script of interaction. Meetings have their explicit announced agendas, along with all of the hidden ones that invariably show up. Everyday interactions have their cultural and regional expectations (much to the chagrin of some people who can’t stand the small talk). Even informal social situations have their language with meanings beyond what is explicitly said. Going a little out of the script can make you interesting but, too far, and you will appear clueless, if not annoying. In some environments roles and scripts are highly regimented such as military service or in emergency medical response, while others are relatively fluid as in nightclubs or informal social engagements – but it’s hard to think of a situation that is totally free of expectations and scripts unless one is in some totally solitary situation.

People who assiduously follow scripts may be seen as conventional, obsequious, or dignified and respectful to some tradition. Thus, “knowing the script” is not an admonition to necessarily follow the script or to slavishly carry out expectations. I’m suggesting that we do well to be aware of the roles and scripts facing us (sometimes called the “hidden curriculum” in educational circles). An awareness of them gives you choice as to which ones and to what degree you might decide to conform or deviate. If you’re not aware, you don’t have that choice.

Rule Number Four: Pay Attention Because the Script Won’t Work.

This is a corollary to the first and third admonitions. Paying attention to the script and where it might fail or be improved is another way of showing up. The nature of the situation can shift quickly and require a change in script, or what appears to be called for is not really what is needed. In addition, someone else may hijack the usual agenda and, if you’re stuck on the original script, your response will not be aligned with the change in direction. Again, awareness gives choice.

Rule Number Five: Don’t Trip Over the Props.

We all use props as we act out our lives to help us express who we are and, if lucky, get what we need. For example, we need shelter, vehicles in which to travel, clothes to wear, kitchen utensils, electronic media, sources of music, relationships, and tools for our occupation and hobbies, to name a few. We can become so attached to such things that they begin to clutter our lives, their maintenance can become burdensome and thereby the return on our investment of time and money in them diminishes. In short, it behooves us to be careful that we don’t allow the things we believe are essential to become stumbling blocks to our capacity to be present in the world and enjoy our lives and each other.

Really, ownership of anything is somewhat of an illusion. We have arranged to be able to use various things, but none are permanent, and any can be lost in a moment. The only thing we truly have that we can give are our time and our lives.

One Rule to Rule Them All

It may be obvious at this point what I said earlier: the subsequent admonitions are but facets of the first.

As I review these admonitions, it reminds me of Carl Jung’s advice to therapists to the effect that they should learn their craft thoroughly and then, upon entering the consultation room, to forget everything they know so they can pay attention to the person in front of them, what’s going on inside of themselves, and what is transpiring between them.

I’ll close here with the words of the late poet John O’Donohue who put all this more succinctly and eloquently when he said simply, “Presence is the most sacred thing there is.”

Wouldn’t it be lovely if, in 2021, we installed a president (and legislators as well) who had intelligence, compassion, honesty, integrity, humility, dignity, maturity, unshakable ethics; an individual who had an interest in the welfare of every citizen; who valued truth and made every decision based on reality and on the impact of those decisions on coming generations; who is more substance than façade; whose first allegiance is to people and the health of the land on which we depend; someone beyond the need to lie in order to gain counterfeit status; someone genuinely motivated to protect the vulnerable; who knows the value of relationships, of diversity, and of the land that we hold in common; someone inclined toward self-reflection and who accepts responsibility for the fruits of her or his actions; an individual who inspires our own compassion, generosity, nobility, and the courage to tackle our personal and collective challenges in constructive ways; someone we could respect, and hold up as a role model for our children; who counted wealth as the ability to give away rather than to hoard, as well as the success of ordinary people; someone equally comfortable and welcome in any religious building, as well as in a forest.

(Imagine a rating scale that evaluated each candidate on these attributes.)

One can certainly also anticipate the various interests and factions that would be threatened by such a person, and the smear campaign that would arise – but that would tell us something about them as well.

I suspect such people are out there and, perhaps, some of our current candidates might have this potential – or, at least, some of it. In the end, I wonder how we might need to change in order to call forth such a person.

Things happen in life that give one a different sense of identity and of reality. There may be social reasons we keep such things to ourselves like a fear of rejection, change in self-image; or simply an introverted temperament. (Introverts feel the need to internally process experience before involving others.) I’ve had such an experience and my first impulse was to quietly withdraw from my community activities and avoid announcing something that would create unnecessary attention. Of course, my family knew but, for the first week or so, I kept it even from my local spiritual community where I’ve been involved for nearly 30 years.

Even though this spiritual community is founded on healing and prayer, along with meditation and spiritual exploration, my first inclination was to not bother anyone about it. The few that knew respected my wish for privacy, but the distance I saw that this secrecy put between us soon felt as wrong as if I’d kept it from my family. My spiritual community is a larger family and I am a part of theirs. So I decided to come out of this particular closet that would have become evident anyway. After all, the people who care would welcome being on this journey with me. So, today, the minister of the spiritual center is attending on her well-deserved day off to make the announcement and lead the community in prayers for my support and healing for this life-changing event.

So, today, it becomes public: 12 days ago I had a stroke. The medical people say it was “mild”, but it hasn’t felt mild, having no perspective beyond my own. I must be careful walking so my leg doesn’t drag, and use of my left hand is greatly diminished, so to dress, eat or open a jar are challenges and take longer than I’m used to. I’ve always been self-sufficient, helping others where I can, serving my communities. In addition to just being introverted, I think some of my hesitance is that I wouldn’t be able to adequately respond to the attention that could come my way.

I’ve had to rely on my wife more than ever. My daughters and son have been digging up information for me and looking at medical reports. On the one hand (so to speak), trying to do familiar things has made me even more aware of my level of disability. On the other hand (actually, the same hand), I’ve seen some surprising improvement over the last week or so. On Wednesday and yesterday, I was able to fire up the snowblower and clear out the driveway. It may sound impressive but the snowblower is essentially a motorized walker and, when my leg dragged, there was just snow and ice underfoot, so it went along smoothly – but I was absolutely exhausted by the task.

Spoiler alert: political comments coming. I’ve spent a lot of time resting, and I’ve had time to think about a lot of things: the state of our world, the irresponsibly-ignored climate crisis, my mortality, the apparent randomness of “acts of God,” fate, individuality, and innumerable political issues. I wonder what people do when they don’t have health insurance for a three-day hospital stay and all the tests I had, medication changes, and the OT and PT that begin tomorrow; and don’t have caring and functional families or communities to support them. The national healthcare controversy has become very personal. And I’m very aware that I am lucky to have been blessed (read “privileged”) by generations of courageous people who fought for workers’ rights and benefits. It’s not a theoretical or partisan struggle: these things affect people’s lives.

I’ve also thought of my gender and religious nonconforming friends and family, which is why I used the provocative title “Coming Out.” The parallels in my situation are so minuscule compared to someone who has been given an identity by their society, based on externals. After all, internal truths are so often a threat to established ideologies and institutions that are, themselves, broken and dishonest. I’ve heard their struggles imposed by dysfunctional families, hostile social organizations, and hypocritical and dis-compassionate religious institutions. My “difference” is now excused from conformity and is much more likely to be met with compassion, support and sympathy than those who are judged and then are abused, blamed or exiled from their families. More than ever, my sympathy is with the rejected, the different and the vulnerable.

I’ve had benefit of prayers and good wishes from many quarters for which I am endlessly grateful: family, Prayer Chaplains, friends; from Christians, Druids, Shamans and other circles that will not be named; along with acupuncture and Rosicrucian healing techniques. I don’t think the Good God cares one iota about their religious persuasion but about what is found in their hearts.

I’m happy to hear from people but have limited energy for consistent responding.

Oh, and happy birthday to Edgar Alan Poe today.

Most of what follows is the text of a talk I gave during Sunday services at Unity North Spiritual Center on November 3, 2019 – hence some references to Halloween. To meet time constraints, some of what is written here was deleted from the talk and some added during this revision. It is a much more personal presentation than I’m used to giving.

The title of my talk was “Labels and Liberation: a Search for Truth Behind the Veil.”

I speak of two veils here. One is the veil between this world and the spirit world and the other is the veil of words we use: the labels, judgments, and the meaning we ascribe to people, events and experiences.

Labels are important, of course. You know how many of our Unity songs are revised to better reflect what’s in our hearts and our beliefs. Labels also shape our perception. They can empower us toward liberation, or they can entrap us as prisoners of our own definition.

I’m going to describe how I came to some of these ideas through nine chapters of my life – along with a conclusion. You will probably hear things my family doesn’t know about yet.

Chapter I: The Eyes of a Child

When I was very young, I saw things that no one talked about, including spirits in my bedroom and in the woods. Since no one talked about such things, I didn’t mention them. I just hid under the covers. The words or labels that would have allowed me to speak of my experiences were not available. (Similarly, years later, my younger daughter listened to a discussion about the aura between a friend and me. When we told her what an aura was, her response was, “Oh, I thought that was my imagination.” She had been seeing auras but, because no one labeled the experience, she assumed it was imaginary.) I was raised Lutheran and Lutherans didn’t talk about spirits. Nevertheless, my first career choice was to become a parapsychologist, but I didn’t see a career path in the paranormal, so I turned to the next best thing: psychology.

Chapter II: College, Religion, Mysticism and the Esoteric

I went to college in Baltimore, taking every psychology course Johns Hopkins offered, along with classes in Egyptology, and one on magic, witchcraft and the occult. Throughout those years, I attended three different religious services in rotation through the month. One was the LiberalCatholic Church because I liked the ritual. It was the old-time eucharist and had meaning since forgotten by the mainstream church. But I also liked sitting in silence, so I went once a month to the “meetings” of the Religious Society of Friends – Quakers – and sat. And the third was just outside of Washington, D.C. and is called the “Self-Revelation Church of Absolute Monism.” This was an ecumenical church founded by a disciple of Paramahansa Yogananda. One of their ministers later established his own church in Baltimore called the “Divine Life Church of Absolute Oneness.” These two churches had a couple basic tenets that appealed to me: one is the principle of non-dualism – that the world is not really split into material and spirit worlds. The second was that we are essentially divine; and the third, from the Upanishads, was that “truth is one – we call it by various names.” There was intelligence there.

During that time, I also took initiation into the Rosicrucian Order, which is also known as the Ancient Mystical Order of the Rosy Cross, in which I was active for over 30 years, studying their writings in practical mysticism.

So, whenever I had to fill in a blank on a form labeled “Religion,” I was never sure what word to use, what would tell the truth. Was I Catholic, Quaker, Monist or Mystic? In reality, I was all four.

Chapter III: A Career of Professional Labels

Out of college and into my career of school psychology, my primary job was to apply labels to students based on psychoeducational assessments. Just by changing the label, from “problem-child” to a “student with identified needs,” my co-workers and I redefined that student’s educational trajectory and could thereby access needed services for the student.

A few years later, in my private practice, other therapists and insurance companies thought diagnoses were important – which they can be – but what I cared about most were the stories behind the veil of diagnoses. The stories had meaning that the diagnoses could not approach. I also found how frequently diagnoses could be misleading, but that’s another story.  

Chapter IV: Other Worlds, Other Lives

Around 1978, a friend took me to see a gifted psychic who told me about my life in uncanny detail – including those spirits I saw as a child. She predicted that I would have a private practice when I was 33 – an idea I dismissed as I had no intention of doing the work to get a psychology license in Maryland for private practice. She also reminded me of my long-time interest in hypnosis which, through a series of events, led to training in a de-hypnotic form of past-life therapy. A Los Angeles psychologist, Morris Netherton re-labeled what we would call symptoms as trance states and developed his therapeutic method around the idea that troublesome symptoms were the conscious tip of an unconscious trance, which opened a whole world of therapeutic application about which I wrote in three of my books. As the psychic predicted, I opened my office for past-life therapy in 1981 – at the age of 33.

A few years later, through a series of “coincidences” with bears, I slid into the world of shamanism. You can call those meaningful events “coincidences”, or you could label them a “shamanic calling.” Which word we use shapes how we see it.

So, now, instead of three religions, I had three professions: School Psychology, Past-Life Therapy, and Shamanism. I learned to bridge them with language – the veil of words. I learned to talk of shamanism and past-life therapy to child-custody attorneys and conventional therapists by using the language of guided imagery and psychoanalysis. By using labels of a language they understood, they could hear what I had to say.

Chapter V: Writing and the Paranormal

By the 1980s, my practice was in full swing. What I was seeing in my clients, in contrast to what I was reading about reincarnation, prompted me to write my first book, Living Your Past Lives, the first edition of which was published in 1987. So what now: I’m a writer? It may seem strange, but it took years for me to get used to accepting that label.

Also in the 1980s, I was enlisted to investigate a family haunted by numerous paranormal events and help them write their story. (Carol helped me with this investigation in Pennsylvania.) This family viewed the wide variety of paranormal events as one thing: the work of Satan. Things moved, lights went off and on, writing appeared on their walls, and they had moved many times to try to get away from their haunting. What they saw as the attacks of Satan, I saw as an unrecognized shamanic calling – something to be celebrated and learned from rather than feared. Their label created their experience.

Despite our differing viewpoints, we established a mutually respectful relationship and collaborated on writing their book called Lion of Satan, Lion of God. The name of the book comes from two different experiences of a tape recording made while my co-author was dictating her story. On playback, there was a few minutes of her voice, a pause, and several minutes of a growling sound. Since the Bible refers to Satan coming like a roaring lion, that’s how she viewed this phenomenon. One evening, however, I took a copy of her tape and sped it up until it was eight times its normal speed. At this increased speed, the roaring of the lion became her voice as she dictated part of her story. Incidentally, they lived then in a place called Lake Ariel – Ariel meaning “Lion of God.” I may have taken Satan out of the tape but had no explanation for the fact that something caused the tape, while recording, to run eight times its normal speed, which resulted in the “growling” on normal playback.

Chapter VI: Celts and Druids

In the 1990s, after three trips to Ireland, I began to explore my Irish ancestry and Druidism, and was initiated into the Henge of Keltria, which was a modern initiatory Druid order. I received a Druid name, was later ordained as a Druid Priest, and eventually served several years as ArchDruid. I was still a member of this congregation as well.

In that mostly pagan world, I found a frequent distrust between Christians and Pagans, but I had trouble seeing such sharp distinctions. In 2010, I wrote an article for the Druid’s newsletter called “The Pagan Jesus” in which I traced a number of what we think of as Christian traditions back to their pagan origins in Egypt and other cultures – traditions such as the virgin birth, the ever-virgin mother of god, baptism, miracles, the son of god on earth, sacrifice of the first born, the scapegoat that relieves the people of their sins, and resurrection.

In addition to my Druid name, I was also eventually given a name by a Mandan Turtle Priest. So, now I had three names and, from a native pipe carrier, a prayer pipe.

So, am I a Christian or Pagan? Maybe both; maybe neither. Who can say for sure and what does it matter?

Chapter VII: New Age Labels and Old-Time Religion

With the rise of New Thought and New Age teachings, I heard of this insidious thing that trips us up, interferes with our intentions, separates us from God, makes us fear death or loss of control; and they labeled it “ego.” The ego in the world of psychology is a valuable instrument of our consciousness. It’s the center of our conscious awareness and carries valuable functions such as information processing, containment of experience, looking toward the future, awareness of our boundaries, discernment of what is serving us and what is not, the ability to apply things that we learn in one situation to other situations. And they wanted to get rid of it.

Clearly my label of “ego” had a different meaning from that of these writers. In New Age lingo, however, it seems that “ego” has become a catch-all term for states of anxiety, irrational thoughts, false beliefs, unrealistic hopes, loss of control and unresolved wounds. I would rather call them what they are because accurate labels take us closer to the heart of the issue than the vague term “ego.”

This would not much matter but for the fact that, in thinking we must resist our ego, we are fighting a non-existent enemy while the real problem sits right next to us or within us.

Then, I wondered, how did this happen? What prompted people to pick up this belief about the enemy within called “ego”? What is this need to blame an imaginary enemy for our troubles? I concluded that blaming the ego is a substitute for the Satan of old-time religion. We are too “enlightened” to believe in that Satan, aren’t we? So, we cast the blame on the ego. Now it’s the ego out to get us. We have given a new name to an adversary from other times.

Ego is a Latin word that means “I am.” It is a statement of being, moreover, of consciousness of being. It has a job to do and is an ally of the soul unless, of course, we decide to make it The Enemy Within to replace the Satan we lost in our enlightenment.

The world of our emotions is another function often beat up by New Age judgments, but that can be a topic for another day. Suffice it to say that, despite judgmental labels put on them, each genuine emotion has its purpose but can be twisted by the labels we use.

Chapter VIII: Jung and Integration

Here in Minnesota I began studying Carl Jung in earnest – the one major psychologist who included the entire range of human experience in his theories, from soul to neurosis to psychosis to physical matter. He made the term “synchronicity” famous.

Jung had a series of visionary experiences in 1913-1914 that shaped much of his subsequent thought. The account of his visionary experiences, written in German calligraphy and accompanied by his paintings and interpretations, was locked in a vault until it was finally published in 2009. In those visions, he had conversations with all kinds of beings. He called it a “confrontation with the unconscious.” Some called it a brush with psychosis. A Jungian analyst told me she wished it was never published. Some claimed he was trying to establish a religion. All these labels were put on this man’s experience. Each label, I believe, reflects more about the observer than about Jung’s experience. In an article I wrote last year for the Society for Shamanic Practice, I called his experiences a classic shamanic calling. “They” took him into the other world; they talked with him; educated him; built relationships with him; and he brought it all back to his people for their healing and enlightenment.

Again, the labels we put on things and people reflect more of who we are than the thing itself.

Chapter IX: A New Label for a New Life

I retired from school psychology and retired my psychology license last Halloween (which seemed somehow appropriate). I’m still the same person with the interests I’ve always had, and still exploring what’s behind the veil of words and the veil between the worlds. But when tax time comes around in a few months, I will have to decide what to put in the blank that asks for occupation. What would be most true: writer, teacher, clergy – maybe something else?

The Persian poet Rumi also seems to have struggled with the issue of labels. He put it this way:

What is to be done, Oh, Moslems? For I do not recognize myself.
I am neither Christian, nor Jew, nor Moslem.
I am not of the East, nor of the West, nor of the land, nor of the sea . . .

I came to a different resolution and render it this way:

What is to be done, dear friends, when I do not recognize myself?
I am Christian, Pagan, Jew and Moslem.
I am of the East, of the West, of the land, of the sea;
I am of earth, of water, of air, and fire;
I am all these things, and no one of them.

Chapter X: Conclusions, Meanings and Becoming

So, where does all this leave us? We find that labels can be a bridge or a barrier, an invitation or a veil. If I put a label on you, I begin to relate to you through that label. It becomes a filter through which I see all that you do. Of course, labels can help us understand things and sort out our various encounters with life and people, but we don’t want them to rule us. They are tools, and you can’t use the same tool for every job. Liberation can occur when we acknowledge whatever the label means, and then set it aside to engage directly with the other human beings before us, beings with their own story, triumphs and failures, and a light they have brought to this world – no matter how clouded that light may now be.

The same is true for us: how often do we make judgments about what we believe we can and cannot do, what we deserve or what we believe it takes to get what we want? Consider some of the labels you’ve given yourself in the way of religion, status, experience or skills. Halloween is a good time to see if some of those labels – like masks –  might be embraced, burned, or transformed.

In closing, let me ask that we all be mindful of the labels we use, the meaning we give to our experience, and what we attribute to other people’s actions and intentions. No matter how accurate our judgment may be, it can only ever be part of the picture.

And let’s give the ego a break. It’s not some enemy within, but an ally that helps us navigate between the demands of our outer world and the revelations of our inner world. It is the threshold where we live in consciousness.

Imagine what kind of life we might live if we embraced all that we are – and named ourselves “Magic.”